Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days that I have had being a mother (this explains the no post for yesterday). The girls are teething or have been teething and have developed AWFUL daytime naps. In an attempt to fix that, yesterday had lots of tears (yes from ALL the females in this house)! I went out last night to try and get a grasp on reality and remember life isn’t all crying babies and trying your best but sometimes just feeling like you REALLY have NO idea what you are doing. I ended up coming home in tears (influenced 90% by exhaustion I am sure) which was not exactly what I was looking for.
So here it is I am tired of being the “new” person.
I am tired of superficial conversations.
I am tired of feeling all alone.
It is not like I even have much time to spend out or developing great friendships but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want at least ONE. People here are really nice and I know that these things take time AND we haven’t exactly been here to develop friendships… so what I am saying is that I am not BLAMING others I am just saying I am tired of it!
How do you even have good friends when you are so busy just taking care of the basics for your family (dinner, cleaning, laundry, playing with babies, changing bums, feeding babies, bathing, exercising) NOT to mention strengthening your marriage or strengthen your testimony??? I just don’t see how it works and how do you start from scratch? BAH.
The other day I happened to go to Thrify Foods for some groceries after I had been to Save On Foods and I practically started crying because it was something familiar to me. I had shopped at Thrifty Foods for the last 5 years in Victoria. I hadn’t shopped there in over a month and THAT… shopping at Thrify Foods… reminded me of something familiar. I guess I just needed something familiar and didn’t even know it.
We love Nanaimo.
We love our home.
We love Chris’s school. We love being closer to family.
We love that being here is a step closer to what we want for Chris’s career.
So why is the change hard?
From the conference talks at both the Women’s Broadcast and the general sessions President Uchtdorf’s talks really stuck out to me. He reminded us that we are not unimportant to Heavenly Father. That He knows us, loves us and is very aware of how we are feeling (and can help us). And most of all that we are not alone. Another talk that stuck out to me (I believe it was Elder Scott’s talk) about how the people in the scriptures can become our friends and examples and by studying the scriptures it will help us not feel all alone. I have been striving ALL week to study my scriptures better in an effort (with moderate to high success) to fix my feelings of being all alone.
I think Satan tries so hard to bring down woman and mothers to make them feel this way and to also make them feel un-important in an effort to make us miserable and selfish (or maybe it is selfish first which brings on the miserable). He tries to make us think only of ourselves and THIS is the EXACT opposite of what we need to do when we are feeling this way. When I was planning the weekend getaway last weekend all I was thinking about was making Chris happy and I was the happiest person in the world (yes the whole world). Oh the cunning deceptions of Lucifee.
Take home points to ponder: why is a good friend so hard to come by? OR are they not and I am just being a big ol' baby? (don't say yes to that unless you say it with kindness) OR am I just not a good friend and as a result feel this way? OR is it that friends just are not as important when are you are married and I missed the memo?
Friends are always important. Especially women friends. We help each other along the way. Some are better than others, some are just acquaintances, but all are good for us. We rub off on each other and bless each others lives. And even so, we still have days that we wish things were different.
ReplyDelete